sudden feeling

I'm tired. Really tired. I just finished eating my dinner - which I'm afraid will make me gain another weight - and I ate another junk - which make me more afraid that my diet program will be ruin just by one night. Geez.
Well, what can I say? I just got home from my ballet & jazz course at 8.30 PM and I'm tired + I'm hungry. So, at least I've got to take a bite. But, I don't know why, I can't control my mind and ate Indomie (which I shouldn't do cos' I already ate one in the afternoon) with some fried tofu, fried chicken and vegetable. Man~ I guess the calories in it is so much more than if I ate rice.

*oh.regret.regret.regret.damn regret.*

And you know? These days, I feel like I'm having the worst time in my life ever. If I had to picture my life with a wheel, a rolling wheel, I would say that my life is stuck in the bottom of the wheel and there's something that holds it down there so that it can't move even just an inch. Well, that's exactly what I felt these days. My marks are going down, my friends are acting weird, and I can't even memorized my ballet syllabus (which is usually the easiest thing for me to do). I felt alone in this world and I don't know how long I can put up with the mask I'm putting on right now? In this time, I felt like all the precious thing in my life was taken away from me - even the one thing, the only one I can be proud of; ballet.

I want to believe that it's all just my feelings and it'll pass as the day goes by. But, at the same time, it's so hard for me to do. I need someone, at least someone to smile and tell me that it'll be fine. But, I found none.

I'd lived through a lot that should have finished me in the last few days, but it didn't make me feel strong. Instead,
I felt horribly fragile
, like one word could shatter me - Isabella Swan, New Moon.