don't judge me please.


Okay, so maybe the word of the day for me. Well, maybe not just day, but days. I'll have quite a schedule next week regarding the time for the semifinal round rehearsal thingy. I've to go here and there, practice this and that. So, yea, I'll be pretty much tired when I reach home so I just don't have the time to update.

Anyway, I want to share something with you guys today. Hmm.. how to start this? First I would like to say that, I'm kinda offended by my teacher today, ballet teacher. I know she's kind and she is (otherwise she wouldn't give me a present for my birthday) but her words kinda offended me.

So today at class, I'm kinda slow absorbing the new material for the next semifinal round and I messed up at my first dance, so you know - she's angry at my slowness and me being so unfocused. She said things that hurts my feeling. Okay, the "things" she said isn't that bad for some people but I'm just too sensitive, that's all. I don't want you to think bad about her or what. But still, it hurts - for me.

I think in the end, it's all about me. I'm offended because I know what she said is true and I just couldn't accept that. You see... I have a problem with my concentration lately, since last year if I'm not wrong. And why would that be? It's because of my health condition. I have something they called as Epilepsy. It's a neurological disorder (brain disorder), I have this thing since I was a kid.

I have had a medication once when I was a child. I should ate a medicine everyday and attend a therapy session. But as a child, I was stubborn so I stop my medication at my own will and nothing particular happened to me until last year. I have seizures, twice and with that my mom took me to two doctors and again, I have to continue my medication (which I terribly hate).

And again, this medicine that I used in my medication isn't without side effect. It's affected me in a terrible and horrible way - for me. I lost MY CONCENTRATION. I found it really hard to concentrate and my marks just dropped. Really, like all of it. And, I was crushed. I feel like I'm useless. Really, I used to cry so hard when I was alone. Realizing what happened to me isn't nice. It's just heart-breaking.

I used to be a good student with a good memory and concentration, but here I am now. So hard to concentrate and to remember thing. Concentrating and remembering things were easy for me, once. It's the truth. But now? Gosh. Don't ask.

I just want one thing. I just want them to understand my condition. It's already hard for me to deal with this thing and myself. It's still hard for me. So, why can't anyone please... please, don't judge me. Don't say anything that will only hurt my feeling. I'm still trying to overcome all of these things.

I guess that's it, and for information, this is the first time I wrote this thing down.

Before you judge me,
try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?

- Childhood, Michael Jackson