one? more like five litre

Somehow at the beginning of the year, I have a strong urge of wanting to watch this J-Dorama again. I've watched this long time ago and never did a thought of re-watching it again crossed my mind until a few days ago.

So, I did. I watched it again. Yesterday. The whole series in just one day and like every other people who watched this drama, I cried my heart out. I think my eyes might be a little swollen. I made the pillow that I hugged wet with tears. It's really ONE LITRE OF TEARS.

This drama is based on real-life story of Aya Kitou who suffered from an incurable disease called the Spinocerebellar Ataxia, a cruel disease which affects the victim's spinal cord & cerebellum thus, progressive difficulty in coordination. Aya (Sawajiri Erika) was only 15 years old when she first diagnosed. It was the start of her high school life, which for every teenagers, the start of their whole life. Aya suffered a lot, giving up a lot of things in her youth but still she never gave up although there's seems no hope was left for her. No future that she can grasp. But still she was able to lived to her fullest till the end of her time, inspiring a lot of people through a diary she's written till she couldn't hold a pen no longer.

Memorable (and heartbreaking) Quotes:

#1. As I think about the past, the tears will come out.
Reality is too cruel, too brutal.
I don’t even have the right to dream.
As I think about the future, the tears will come out again.

#2. Just that one sentence, ‘I won’t leave you’, encouraged me a lot.
Doctor, thank you for not leaving me.

#3. Why did the disease choose me?
I cannot carry it, if it’s just for the word “fate”.

#4. Regret. Pitiful. It’s okay if I’m in pain by myself.
But I’m also bringing trouble to the people around me.

#5. I really don’t want to say things such as
“I want to go back as how things were before”.
I recognize how I am right now, and I will continue to live on.

#6. Just being alive is such a lovely and wonderful thing.

#7. Even though I have been hurt before by those heartless glares,
this also helped me to understand that around me, there still exists some gentle glares. Therefore, I definitely won't run away.
That's what I'll do. Definitely. Always.

#8. Where should I head towards?
Even if there isn't answer, I'll feel better by writing it down.
I've looked for a pair of helping hands but I couldn't feel them, couldn't see them.
I only face towards darkness and hear hear the sounds of my hopeless screams.

#9. Okaasan, Will I be able to get married?

#10. When my existence seems to disappear
I will look for the place where I can do the best I can
From now on, I'll deliberate slowly
I won't be impatient
I won't be greedy
I won't give up
Because everyone takes things step by step.

I cried in most of the episode. I cried when Aya first found out about her disease. I cried watching her family struggle. I cried when she was still waiting for Kawamoto-senpai in the rain. I cried when she overheard her classmate comments about her and the scene when she was with Asou-kun at the place when they first met. I cried when Aya decided to leave her school for good. I cried how her classmates are singing a song for her in the gates before she left the school for ever. I cried when she struggled so hard each and every day. I cried when her sister Ako was mad at her brother, Hiro, because he couldn't stand up for her own sister. I cried when I saw how warm her family were. Man. I cried at a lot of scene. I definitely cried at the last three episode, it was emotional!

Watching this drama at the start of the year made me realized a lot of thing that I didn't realize before - that life is a gift and we must treasure every bit of it and live our life to the fullest. I realized that life is not fair - well, it never is. We complained a lot about problems in our life, but the truth is that problems (our problems) are nothing compared to those who have to suffered a lot throughout his/her life, like Aya for example. Her courage to keep on living, even when her vision was filled with tears and there seems like no place for her to go. She kept on living. I'm really touched by that.

Looking on the spiritual side, this made me realized that God is trying to tell me something in His own way. Then I realized how I always complained about my life. How I didn't treasured it as much as I should do. I didn't know what to say as I realized this fact. I was sad - I am young, but I wasted my time. So, I made myself a promised. I won't complain much this year. I want my life to be useful. I want to make a change for people around me. In short, this movie inspired me so much :)